I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
