A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
