i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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