i barfeds in our rink
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
