I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
