sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
