Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
