It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
