1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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