are you still at the devil's house?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
