Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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