Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
