somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
