That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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