She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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