You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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