I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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