And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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