dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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