this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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