East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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