I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
