wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
