I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
