so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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