You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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