I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
