I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
