He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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