Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
