I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize