i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
