wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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