Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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