He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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