nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Randomize
