sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she smelled like a LAN party
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
