He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
