I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
