Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
