If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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