i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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