if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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