Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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