What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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