Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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