I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
