You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
