My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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