So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
