i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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