Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
