Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
