Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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