Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
