After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
