Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
