I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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