I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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