When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
