4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
