It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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