OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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