spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
