I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
