We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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