remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
