if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
