You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
