1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
