last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
