omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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