I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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