I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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